I toyed with the idea of  buggering off, I toyed with the  idea of deleting the blog etc. but  actually I'm  simply going to transform  it.  I am not the same person I was when I started this about five years ago, and I'm certainly not the same as a writer, I  don't think. I am writing (fiction) on and off and  my style  has become simpler and simpler, so looking back on earlier work is a bit painful.

I'm also, I have to say, optimistic about the  future, and not just on a personal level. 

A couple of  months ago I rang an old friend to meet up for a drink and had to talk briefly to his wife, who doesn't  really like me. Later he told me she'd  said, "Carl  sounds different, he didn't try to make a single joke."

She was right, Ahhh, free at  last!