I didn’t work on a Friday morning and
so I sent off a few emails, first getting Christine’s contact
details then asking her if I could bring
Jay in the next day to the laundry, see if they were suitably qualified for the
work, though my understanding was it didn’t amount to much more than separating
items out, putting them into the appropriate machine s then folding and
bagging everything for it to be returned to the hospital. A three month trial
period an then subject to a vote on the agreement of the other members that
person became a member of the co-operative themselves. Christine was happy for me
to bring Jay in, asking me if I “vouched” for them?
Vouch for them? I don’t even know them would have been the truest report
on the situation. The previous three days Jay had spent the time either sitting
at the kitchen table silently accepting occasional offers of cups of tea or
poking around among the boxes of plants that had been left in the small
backyard. I had tried to engage them in conversation but they had not been very
forthcoming and so, after a few faltering attempts I stopped; perhaps they were
just happier quietly left alone.
Still I said I vouched for them. Someone I knew from London.
I called up the stairs assuming Jay were still on the floor
up there in the sleeping bag among Chris’s piles of unsorted books to tell them
that we could go in the next day but they were already sitting back at the
kitchen table, staring out of the open door into the backyard.
Ah, there you are. Ok. I have got you a job if you
want one, I said. I felt a sudden burst of satisfaction and
relief and my voice trembled slightly.
Their eyes began to move around the room, face still profile, not
looking at me, chest was rising and falling more quickly, nostrils flared.
I expected them to ask what it was and was preparing myself to say something along
the lines of, it’s not a great job, just working in a laundry, only
part time, but…
Yeah, they said. Then, more softly, again; yeah. Is there an
interview? Ah, this was the cause of the faint panic. The idea that they
would have to sit in front of a number of watchful eyes and present themselves.
I am not good at interviews, Jay said. I can’t do interviews.
No I don’t think so. I was about to say, it’s
completely unskilled but caught myself in time. Well, you have to go in and
meet them but I think, there’s a trial period of three months and then… I wondered
if I should explain the co-operative principles they were
working under. If you do the job o.k. they’ll keep you on.
Faint nodding of the head, eyes narrowed, jaw clenched. I won’t let you
down they said in a sudden burst, then the jaws clenched tight again.
Jesus, no I said, it’s not like that, you don’t need to
worry about letting me down, I am no-one I said, I’m
not important, and I wanted to go on, I am nothing,
nothing to anyone, a person of no consequence.
Jay started tracing circles on the table, something in my manner had
made them withdraw, my own agitation, the desire to efface myself that had risen
up in me. Stubborn, nagging trace of myself that I could never shed. My self,
lifelong thorn in my own flesh.
Listen, I said more softly, you have to go and meet the people
who run the place, that’s all. Do you want me to come with you?
A pause.
It’s no problem if you do. I don’t have work on a Saturday.
Yeah.