Saturday, November 11, 2006

Another extract f rom Jason Phereus

“Thanks,” Dana says as Dave fumbles the folded up papers back to her and she slips them again into the pocket of her Cargo pants. “Something my friend Eden sent me.”

“Eden,” Dave nods enthusiastically. “Is that a friend or a female friend or a boy friend, not in the sense of boyfriend I mean but rather boy………..FRIEND, the opposite of a female friend, so, well really that would be a male friend except that girl friend in the….”

Dana is looking at him. Ok, sure. He seems to have just ticked down to a standstill, mouth half-open now, waiting for her to speak

Sooooo…..OK. “Sure, so basically it’s a friend of mine, a girl………….FRIEND,” they both smile, “ but not a GIRLfreind.”

Not a GIRLfriend, that would be too weird, though maybe Eden is a little bi-curious herself and Derren has been trying to get the two of them to come round to his dingy lurrve pad to get some three-in-a-bed, ménage a trois action going on, which she can’t even believe he would have like, the temerity to suggest, implying that she would be happy to like A) sleep with her best friend who she has known forever and who is certainly totally HOT but who Dana Polatin does not look at in that way at all and so but anyway also B) that if they did get up to any girl-on-girl stuff they would want Derren around basically ruining it with his sweaty ogling and like general cluelessness about the female body that his endless hours of online research and semi permanent Porn watching doesn’t seem to have improved even half a little bit. Not that she like, objects to the idea in principle at all, or can deny she has been in a similarish, by accident, situation with Derren and Jana after a heavy smoke up one Friday night when Derren’s Rents where out like worshipping Satan at some black-tie Masonic Blood Drinkers thing, but that was like almost nothing to do with her, initiation wise, I mean there she is just flat out on the couch watching one of Derren’s dumb Judas Priest DVD comps when the next thing you know they’re both kind of totally unfairly taking advantage of how small and light she is and dragging her off it backwards and carrying her onto the Sofa bed where they have been whispering away to each other and like particularly grossly and noisily making out and Jana has been kind of very annoyingly giggling every couple of seconds with Derren forcing more Rum and Orange juice or whatever it was he’s been getting them drunk on that night, plus his pretty nasty, nicotine flavoured tongue, down her throat as Dana Poaltin keeps her eyes fixed on the screen, Rob Stupid Halford’s stupid bald head gleaming in the stage lights, feeling maybe a little pissed off sure that they are so obviously making out while she’s around even if Jana is basically a basket-case and Derren is a monumental asshole who she dated for two nanoseconds and basically has no interest in whatsoever but equally she doesn’t at that particular moment want to give either of them the satisfaction of making them feel like she cares or they have the power to bug her in some way.

Still they’re bugging her now as Jana starts trying to French kiss her and Derren is like grabbing at both their asses at the same time and keeps pushing their heads together every time Dana Polatin pulls back because he like saw Matt Dillon do it in “Wild Things” with Neve Campbell and Denise Richards which he thinks is just the coolest thing because its like if I want two bitches to kiss I just push those bitches heads together man, and off they go, it’s my magic bitch touch and Dana Polatin is too out of it at first to really know what she’s doing so she sort of starts kissing Jana back who if she’s honest she isn’t really that into in anyway, but maybe also just to not start looking like she’s freaked out or can’t handle it and is pretty sure that Jana who still has both eyes open and is watching Derren’s reaction all the time is in the same situation as Derren kind of takes off his t-shirt and collapses back against the wall now with his rum and orange juice in its like dumb plastic beaker in one hand and one leg folded under the other, like watching the whole show that his bitchez are putting on just for very special, regal Derren, lord of the dingy basement pad that always stinks of damp and unwashed clothes, old sneakers, sweat and bong smoke, rancid cum. But still even though she may think Jana is basically kind of a skank, and even though Derren is an asshole, she allows herself to have her t-shirt pulled off over her head, getting a moment’s relief from the way Jana is basically chewing at her face and slathering her lips and chin in spit with her pretty gross, cow-sized tongue, because she figures as well that hey Jana is totally flat-chested so that at least Dana Polatin has got one over on her there, so she starts to peel Jana’s top up over her head too, wondering just how far they are going to go along this road that like no-one but asshole Derren wants them to take and suddenly feeling, locked lip to lip with Jana, like a total puppet and also kind of trapped and angry which is not how she should feel about the whole thing at all when suddenly Jana’s breaking away from her and spinning, hand up to her mouth spraying out a little jet of rum-brown barf between her fingers and lunging for the bathroom, as Derren starts yelling, “get it in the toilet man, don’t you puke on my floor!”

9 comments:

angrygrrl said...

This is very disturbing and sexist. Would you women this way? Filth like this masquerading as "literature" is killing me inside.
:(

angrygrrl said...

This is very disturbing and sexist. Would you treat women this way? Filth like this masquerading as "literature" is killing me inside.
:(

carl said...

i have to say your comments puzzle me a bit angrygrrl. i'm not sure really how or why it's sexist, it doesn't seem like "filth" to me (and certainly not compared to other stuff i've written!)plus i'm wondering, would i treat women which way? i don't know that anything is being advocated, is it?

angrygrrl said...

I bet it gives you a big stonking bone-on, you misogynist bastard.
You're all like: "Oooohh Yeah! Puch dem slutz heds 2gether! Suffer bitch, suffer! mmmmmmmmmm...suffer!"

You make me sick.

carl said...

aha, so either it's a sophisticated wind-up or you don't actually understand the first thing about "literature" do you..? plus the idea of two reluctant teenagers kissing each other in a dingy basement doesn't give me a big stonking bone on, if you googled up a few pictures of Craig Wedren, you'd be closer to the truth.

carl said...

ahh, i see you're someone called "slaperz" who makes satirical Star Trek videos (!) and risque cartoons, now your pretending to be angrygrrl because that's a hilarious brilliantly clever wind-up/pastiche and as we speak you're cackling away at how smart and subversive you are, strewing anarchy across the internet, man you must be one step away from international stardom with these kind of smarts, remember me, the humiliated but finally humble and awestruck victim of one of your crazy pranks when your signing that multi-milllion pound film deal, wont you?

slaperz said...

Who is Jason Phereus, then?

carl said...

in about a week, all will be revealed, dear slaperz.. nice to meet you under your real pseudonym...

desire said...

ahahaha nice! i like your version better than the real one.