But isn’t there a big, pink, dripping elephant in the room here somewhere?
The typical article likes to get a bit meta, dunnit, with a bit of “While I’ve been writing this article on my internet connected P.C. I’ve also browsed the book section in Foyles, listened to Stockhausen on youtube, got tickets to Stockholm, checked my emails and…..”
…..and looked at loads of Porn.
I don’t know about anyone else but one of the biggest factors that interrupts my long, boring hours sitting on my own in front of a computer is my compulsive desire to look at any kind of sexual activity every thirty two seconds, along with the infinite variety and combination of good looking women doing exciting things in numerous combinations.
Porn, in all its infinite variety and the low level, humid, faintly pleasurable, warm zone of furtive and protracted masturbation it induces is the big attention monkey rubbing its nasty glands all over my frontal lobes during my writing time. Why bother struggling with this essay on Proust when you could be trawling through Redtube to find just exactly the right Bubble Butt Latina Blowjob (xxxhot!!) Video to expend several gobbets of your precious seed on. There’s absolutely no way that the immediate availability of quality grot and the highly stimulating nature of its content is a significant factor in all of this, is there?
Maybe it’s just me. I’m sure you’re all too well-adjusted to be doing any of that. We know Guardian readers (and writers!) don’t Google porn, they are either too enlightened or somehow too elevated. You know those lies you like to tell your other half: it’s just never really interested me, the men/ women are so unnatural, actually I just find it kind of depressing and degrading. I’m kind of interested in it intellectually, but, I mean, it doesn’t turn me on. Is there now a single person under fifty in the developed world who hasn’t flung one over his thumb/ tickled the tuna with one hand on the mouse, anxiously hovering the little arrow over the reduce button in case the other -half gets back from the shops quicker than expected? Surely the death of the sexual imagination is worth considering, the co-option of interior fantasy space by the insanely unregulated porn free-for-all that is the world wide web. Ahhh, the global levels of porn addiction! A true human universal cutting across all classes and cultures! A prosthesis for our collective memory! A usurper of our individual capacity for fantasy too, eh?
Statistically 97% of users will have clicked away to watch a bukkake video while reading this very post. Don’t worry though; we all know that you, specifically, are in the other 3%.