Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Impostume in conjunction with Kino-FFisting Euro Partners The CPC, thrusts a well-lubed Prole forearm elbow-deep into the Po-Mo prolapsed, Bourgeoise back passage of Kontemporary Kinoma!

Kumming Atractions! Summer 2007’s Big Movies.

"Anna Id: a Naiad In Indiana."

The long awaited collaboration between simply the smartest guys ever to like also be really just regular guys who also enjoy, y’know, hanging out and stuff and just whatever, Charlie Kaufman and David O Russell. You nodded along in approving recognition at the endlessly arch, try-hard tropery of "I Heart Huckabees’" mutli-plot satirical celeb-smarmfest (" Corporations suck, but hey whaddayagonnado! Howabout goofy irony, will that help?!"). You wept at like just how todally true under all the hyperreal multi level plot trickery "Eternal Sunshine" was… now join the smart but kinda regular twosome, together for the first time, in their new movie, "Anna Id". The story of a play within a play within a play within a city that’s inside the head of a character in a play that’s… within another play that’s also not a play! "Brechtian alienation techniques were just so alienating at the end of the day, we wanted to be kinda alienating, to go with that energy but in a positive way, " Kaufman explains " kind of inclusively alienating, so we call it familiarating, it’s like that moment when you realise so wow, maybe we’re all just kinda weird and messed up inside and so like maybe that’s ok!!!! y’know, I’m made strange, you’re made strange. Here we are in Strangeville." Truly a tonic for those early third millennium blues. Worried that the world might be fucked? Hey, think you’ve got it bad? You could be a kooky suburban Nymph (played by thirteen different actresses! Including the big screen debut of spacehopper-headed Indie shriekstress Joanna Newsome!) who finds it hard to disentangle Fantasy from Reality and drifts whimsically along for years on her parent’s money before deciding hey! it’s not like there are any answers anyway, you know, and hey! maybe that is the answer in a way!
"So smart I had yet another crisis of intellectual confidence and went back to writing hysterical realism!" Zadie Smith

The Dourness.

"Lo and a grey blight of peevishness and general sulky apathy shall descend upon them."

London 2011 and the Chthonic mist leaking from the recently unearthed Stones of Mandrugaban which have been brought to the British Museum spreads an air of general despondency and all round shoulder shrugging. The Neo-Fascist Government introduces Martial Law to try and force the population into displays of enthusiasm for the upcoming Olympics. Can one man, armed with the memory of what life was like before The Dourness settled upon the land and with only a Tickling Stick passed onto him by the mighty warrior Kenneth of Dodd, a revolving bow tie and a plastic lapel flower that squirts water save the soul of the nation and rescue it’s people both from the ancient curse and the iron grip of government? With Oscar worthy turns from Nicole Kidman as Margaret Thatcher and Reese Witherspoon as Ken Dodd.
"Kidman gets her spunk-sponges out at 32:15 and again at 87:20. Well worth a twazzle!" Baz Lilliput. The Daily Sport.

The Death of Mr Longeuresku.

An octogenarian crawls along a Romanian hospital corridor for three and half hours before finally expiring just at the entrance to the doctor's office. Filmed in a single 210 minute static camera take as Mr Longeuresku inches slowly closer to the door, occasionally lapsing into unconsciousness for up to thirty minutes at a time, this film is really unlike a Hollywood movie. Not since the fifty three minute panning shot of the desolate Balshvenko mud flats in Bela Tarrpit’s very un- Hollywood-like "MagyarWaltz" have we been quite so aware of the inexorable passing of time and more painfully conscious of how we might be wasting it. A darkly human, comic, un-Hollywood-like masterpiece, a boldy humanistic vision of the human capacity to both humanly suffer and endure in its humanity, a defiantly un-Hollywood-like, visionary work.

"Totally un-Hollywood-like. Not even remotely so-called-entertaining or even slightly "engaging" on any level. Few filmmakers even care enough to dare to bore us to this degree. The kind of arse-numbing yawnathon that only the Europeans still have the artistic integrity to produce" Filip Phrench.

"Totally validates my desire to be perceived as someone who watches meaningful non-Hollywood movies and has a pronounced attention span. I didn’t stifle even one yawn, ok?!!" I.C.A Punter.

6 comments:

Alphonse said...
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Alphonse said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
familyhobgoblin said...

Oh I see. It's that kind of blah blah blah now is it? is it?

Oh so you've had a head cold, oh that perfectly explains your complete fucking inability to phone, email or in any way communicate with your " best friend". Yeah right.

But hey, as long cop grazes cop, or whatever they're called, keeps you trembling in vapid expectation, then fine. They're all probably running art galleries or studying to be music therapists whilst you cream yourself wan over their latest blob of try-too-hard.

Fuckers.

And you're a fucker too.

You don't care. You don't pretend to care, and that fucking hurts.

Ha ha. It's all a joke. I was spoofing you and that's alright.

Now I've got to type in my word verification to get this message through, in case I'm a spamming bot. Anyone can tell I'm too vainglorious to be a bot.

Who owns this blogger website? Do you know? Do you care? Oh it's run by the same people that put ground glass into baby food destined for the third world. Baby-food-bulking hulking whores of capitalism, but hey. It's getting your name known amongst the army-surplus-minded pomo afficionados of sarf lundunn.

Great. xxxx

A Laibach fan said...

Hey Carl, sad to see you keeping company with a pair of goons like Dejan and Chabert.

Le Colonel Chabert said...

Laibach loving policemen: Carl isn't keeping company with me. I commented here; he did not find my remakrs offensive enough to delete evidently. Are they intolerable to you? I will delete them myself with pleasure. Then you will not have to continue with the "are you now or have you ever been..." line with this innocent blogger.

a laibach fan said...

Yes, yes, yes, Chabert, all this might be true, but then again, you are literally an idiot.